


Ladylike

by Elvesliketrees



Category: The Big Valley
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Little bit of angst, Only a tiny bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvesliketrees/pseuds/Elvesliketrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really don't want to give away too much in the summary. Heath Morgan Barkley has worked in the mines, in the livery, the army, and too many ranches to count. Now he must learn to trust and adjust to his new family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ladylike

**Author's Note:**

> I know that the summary didn't give away much, I just wanted this to be a surprise. Don't worry! The twist is given away from the beginning, I just wanted to do something a little different.

When Leah Thomson became pregnant with Tom Barkley’s child, it was whispered that she would drop the child off at some orphanage. It had a precedent, and it certainly would not have been talked about with much scorn. After all, a bastard was a bastard, and Tom Barkley had made it known that he was going back to the loving arms of his wife forevermore. However, Leah Thomson shocked the citizens of Strawberry by declaring that the baby would be kept, and none would dissuade her. The citizens once again reasoned that Leah had need of the child, a boy to help with the chores and their upkeep. God forbid Leah Thomson should have a girl. However this child, who found itself at the center of everyone’s attention, surprised the righteous innocents of Strawberry by being just what God should forbid, a girl. Heather Morgan Thomson was a beautiful and healthy baby. Leah was ecstatic, said citizens were aghast with righteous indignation. However, young Heather had no idea that her presence was so spited, and so she spited the community in turn, just by living. The baby was healthy and a joy to all that took the time to meet her. While the reverend ranted on about fornication and adultery and marriage, Leah Thomson heard the words, but never listened. She had her baby, and that was all that mattered. People said that she would suffer, but suffer she did not. Heather was a joy, and the two women who helped Leah to raise her brought a sense of family that rivaled “proper” homes. Rachel Caulfield, the young widower who had come to Strawberry with Leah, and Hannah, the middle-aged woman who had come to care for Leah during the last stages of her pregnancy, both stayed and helped with Heather wherever they could. The three women took the good and the bad, and they continued with their lives. Leah worked in the hotel and the restaurant, Hannah cooked for the restaurant, and Rachel ran a laundry business out of the small cabin they shared and watched Heather. At night, there were stories and laughter. The happy baby grew to be a beautiful and happy little girl. She would go about dressed in pants and shirt, for they were cheaper to make than a dress, and lasted longer. Little Heather played outside most of the day, for there was not much to do in the little cabin. She did not often venture into town; Leah thought it useless and did not feel like describing the names that others would yell as they walked by. And so, the town forgot little Heather Morgan Thomson. However, all good times must come to an end. When Heather turned six, it was time for her to enter school. Leah knelt down and adjusted her little bonnet. Hannah had made Heather her first dress just for the occasion. “Do I have to go Mama?” she asked.

“Don’t you want to?” Leah asked.

“I won’t know anybody there!” she said tearfully.

“You will in time! You’ll learn to read and to write. Someday, you might even be a teacher like Rachel was!” Leah said encouragingly. Heather looked at Leah in astonishment, no one could _ever_ be smarter than Rachel, except for Mama or Hannah.

“I guess I can go,” Heather mumbled. Leah smiled and drew her into a hug.

“I know you’ll do well. Remember, Rachel will come and get you when school is out,” Leah instructed. Heather nodded dutifully and went hand-in-hand with Leah and Hannah to the school, which was on the way to work. She was then dropped off. When Rachel came and picked her up at the end of the day, she was quiet. When they arrived at the cabin, Rachel knelt down and had Heather look into her eyes.

“What’s the matter dear?” she asked softly as she saw the tears threatening to spill over.

“They weren’t nice,” Heather whimpered, “The teacher said I didn’t deserve to be there and the kids called me names!” With that, Heather leapt into Rachel’s arms and began to sob. Rachel carried her into the house and gave some milk and fresh bread. When they had put Heather down for the night, they held a conference.

“What are we going to do?” Leah sighed.

“It might be that they just need some time to get used to our baby,” Hannah put in.

“And if they don’t?” Leah asked, “Money’s tight and I can’t take a day off of work to come and get her from school!”

“We can wait and see. She’ll go to school for a month, and if she still is having problems, then I’ll teach her myself,” Rachel suggested. Leah nodded and brought out the money box. All of their wages were put in; they just barely had enough for food that week. And so, the three women in the little cabin went to bed and prayed, and waited. When the month was up, the taunts were still continuing. And so, Rachel informed the teacher that Heather would no longer be in school. When Rachel walked the little girl back to the cabin, no one seemed too sad about the event. However, money problems continued. Hannah lost her job at the restaurant, and Leah had her hours cut down due to a slump in the mines. The coins in the money box dwindled until there were none left. Leah sighed and put her head in her hands.

“What’ll we do?” she moaned, “The box is empty and I won’t be getting paid for two weeks, at least that’s what Mr. McAndrews says! We’re almost out of food and we have no money!”

“The Lord will provide,” Hannah sighed. The next day, Hannah took Heather into town to look at the new hotel. When they passed the livery, they heard Mr. Enders talking to a man.

“Stable boy just up and quit!” Enders complained, “So now I’ll have to hire a new one, and with all the kids in school who knows when that’ll be!” Hannah’s heart leapt into her throat. The beginnings of a plan took place in her mind. When Leah and Rachel sat down for coffee that night, Hannah spoke up about her plan.

“You can’t be serious!” Leah protested vehemently.

“It’ll get us the money that we need, and I can easily teach her at night!” Rachel encouraged.

“But she’s just a child, and think of what we’ll have to do to get her that job!” Leah cried.

“Leah, the Lord gives us opportunities in mysterious ways, and this might be one of them,” Hannah reasoned. Leah put her head in her hands.

“We need the money,” she whispered. Rachel reached out a comforting arm and rubbed her back. When the next morning dawned, Heather was introduced to the plan, which in her mind was very exciting indeed.

“Now, what’s your name?” Hannah asked once again.

“Heath Morgan Thomson,” she said proudly.

“And are you a little lady, or a nice young gentleman?” she asked with a smile.

“Neither, I’m a cowboy!” Heather cried excitedly, “Hannah, am I really gonna see the horses?”

“You are if you mind your manners and do just what Mama said,” Hannah cautioned.

“I will! I like this disguise!” Heather gushed. Hannah scoffed and shook her head; leave it to a child to find the best in even the darkest of circumstances.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked.

“Don’t you worry Miss Leah, everything will work out! The only people who really know Heather are the kids at the school, who won’t see her, and the couple of people who saw us the few times we was in town! Now, folks probably just forgot about Little Heather Thomson, and Heath Thomson is close enough that most folks won’t question it!” Hannah soothed. Leah ruffled her skirt and nodded nervously. She grabbed Heather-now Heath’s hand and walked her “son” to the livery. Enders came out with and looked them over.

“What is it you want Miss Leah?” he asked.

“My son, Heath Thomson, would like to work in the livery,” she said. Enders knelt down in front of the child.

“Is that so?” he asked.

“Yes sir, Mama said I could work with the horses!” Heath said excitedly.

“Well, as long as your Mother thinks you’re fine to work, I’ll give you a try. Come back at four to pick him up Leah,” Enders instructed. Leah smiled and gave Heath a hug before heading over to the restaurant. The rest of the day Enders taught Heath what to do! She was so excited. Mr. Enders would give her some of his lunch and they would talk about the horses. Heath was very surprised that Mr. Enders thought that she was a boy. He even called her Mr. Thomson sometimes! Mama said that this was because the disguise was so good. And yet, the livery could only bring so much money. And so, when the call came from the mines for new powder monkeys, Heath Morgan Thompson left her job and signed up, only telling her mother after she signed the forms. Leah feared for her little girl, but she sighed and kept on cutting her hair. In a small corner of her heart, she was glad that more pennies would be gracing the box now. She prayed for the day that Heather could once again be herself and not have to work day and night for mere pennies. As time went on, Heather Thomson was forgotten. Even the teacher and other children did not remember the lively little girl, but all knew the lively little boy. As Heather grew older, she no longer called herself Heather, but Heath. All of her forms were signed Heath, and now the other three women in the household called her Heath too. When she insisted that her dresses, which she was only allowed to wear around the house, be taken apart for needed articles for the other three women, no one protested. However, a sad look came into her mother’s eyes from that day on. Though Heath knew that she was a girl, and she knew why she lied, she never called herself Heather anymore. It was just easier to be Heath constantly. When the mines ran dry and shut down, the girl of fifteen didn’t know where to turn. She rubbed a hand through her short hair and sighed. Then, she saw the advertisement. The call for soldiers to fight in the war, anyone eighteen or over could join. If she could lie about being a boy, she could lie about being eighteen. She cut her hair shorter and made sure that she had enough bindings for her small breasts. She left a note for her mother and snuck out that night. The army was a scary place. She was afraid of being found out every waking minute. However, the worst was yet to come. Heath had no idea how she kept herself hidden in the year that she was at Carterson, but she was sure that God protected her while there. When she was rescued, that was a different story. One physical examination was all it took before she was found out. The army didn’t press charges due to her years of great service, but her awards and the record of her achievements were never filed. When she got out of the hospital, she returned home to a frantic mother, a dying mother. Heath knew that she was sick, and os she took a job at a nearby ranch to buy her mother medicine. When she was twenty, she got an urgent telegram. She raced the few miles home to Mama. Hannah said that she’d been holding on until she could see her daughter one last time. After ten days at home, Leah Thomson perished. Three people attended her funeral. After that, Heath rode out. Her mother had given her a Bible in which was her future, if she chose to grasp it. She worked at different ranches for over a year, passing herself off as a man. She knew that she would never be able to go to the Barkleys as Heather Thomson; no family would want their bastard living with them, let alone a girl who couldn’t be expected to help out around the ranch. Finally, she knew the time had come. The woman of twenty years mounted her horse and rode towards Stockton. Her money ran out about two days before she got there, but she and her pony soon found themselves on a bridge. After a unique encounter with a random man on a very unstable bridge, she finally rode onto her family’s ranch.

Heath put the next board in place and sighed. She’d been on the ranch for a week exactly, five days as a common ranch hand, one day as the hated bastard, and one day as the semi-hated bastard. Yesterday had been the shoot-out with the railroad, and Heath thanked God that she’d made it through that. Last night had been a long talk. Mrs. Barkley and the eldest, Jarrod, were the most supportive. Victoria had known about the affair beforehand, and Jarrod said “he” looked much like his father. She scoffed and wondered what would happen if they found out she was a little lady. Well, not a lady, but certainly not a man. She knew that her voice was a little high for a man, but injuries to her throat at Carterson had deepened it to where it was believable. She wondered what would happen if the dress at the bottom of her armoire was discovered. She’d always kept the dress with her since her mother had died. She knew that she’d be Heath Morgan Thomson Barkley for the rest of her life, but she could hope. No, if the Barkleys found out that she wasn’t a man, it would be over. She’d be thrown to the road before she could say anything otherwise. She was a bastard, and that was bad, but a bastard who couldn’t contribute anything to the running of the ranch was kicked out of the house. Audra was alright with her, already calling her brother. Jarrod was getting along well, but he still wasn’t to the stage she and Audra were yet. Nick was angry, very angry. Heath feared Nick’s rage, and she knew he’d be the one giving her the boot if she was ever discovered. Victoria, now there was a lady. She could run her house as easy as you please, and yet she still had a strength about her that Heath greatly admired. She wished that she could tell Victoria, she felt like Victoria would understand, but to tell Victoria was to tell the rest of the family, and that would not be good at all. And so, she kept her mouth shut. By the time the cattle drive came, Jarrod was calling her brother, and Audra and she were very close. She wished she could tell Audra, but she knew that the girl would not keep her secret for two minutes before running off and telling someone. Nick was still angry with her for knocking over his father’s pedestal, though she wished she’d been able to take a hammer to it instead. She was angry at Tom Barkley, angry at him for leaving her mama. Because he’d left, Heath couldn’t be a little lady anymore. She knew now why her mother had cried at night as she wore dresses less and less. But yet, it was hard to be angry at a dead man, and she could tell that his family was trying to make it right. Victoria was beginning to find a place in her heart as Mother. Heath knew that she wasn’t her real mother, but she felt that mama would understand, and Heath had more than enough room in her heart. When the drive finally came, Heath was ready to prove herself. She never knew that she’d be expected to step up, but step up she did. The forty hands that were now at their ranch never uttered one word against her, not ever again. Nick also seemed to have had an epiphany. Heath was glad, she hated fighting with people, and Nick was just like the imaginary big brother that she’d dreamed up to chase away the nightmares when she was a small girl. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling as she lay in bed. Sure, Wallant had almost killed her, but a good number of things had gone right too. She had respect, and she might be starting to have a family. She rolled over and went to sleep. As the days went by, Heath became more and more comfortable with the family. It was generally known that their new brother valued baths (much to Mother’s delight) and his solitary rides. When Nick got up one morning, he was irritated to find that he’d left his boots in the bathroom. He stomped over to the room and threw open the door. Heath instantly gave a squeak and dove under the bubbles.

“Sorry,” Nick muttered gruffly.

“Don’t worry about it, just let me finish my bath in peace,” Heath sighed.

“Alright, alright, no need to be touchy. It’s just us two men, you know that don’t ya?” Nick chuckled.

“Yeah, strike me down for bein’ modest,” Heath retorted. Nick scoffed and shut the door behind him. Heath sighed in relief and sank down into the bubbles. That had been a close one. She was sure that she’d laugh about this later, but she wondered how many situations between “two men” that she’d get into. She stored the funny moment deep in her memory and continued with her bath. Outside, Nick shook his head. His brother sure was different, though he was probably adjusting to them all; he knew that he’d be. When breakfast was conducted that morning, the entire family had a good laugh at Heath’s expense, Heath included. When Mother made the trip to Strawberry, she was sure that she’d been found out, but turns out no one remembered Heather Morgan Barkley. And so, life went on. And then, Heather caught a cold. As she and Nick tromped down the stairs, her big brother grasped her arm lightly.

“Hey Heath, are you sure that you’re feelin’ alright?” Nick asked.

“I’m fine Nick, just a little pale,” Heath scoffed. Though her chest felt tight and she was a little warm, she was sure that it was nothing. She’d faced much worse in Carterson and called it a cold. When she took her seat at the table, Mother said grace and the meal began. Most of talk centered on Jarrod and Audra, for she would be taking her first trip to San Francisco that day. Mother was berating her on the wisdom of staying in sight of her brother _at all times_ when Audra changed the subject.

“Are you going to be doing the branding this week?” she asked.

“Need to get the fence fixed up before we do that,” Nick replied.

“Don’t want any of those cows slippin’ away from us,” Heath agreed.

“We just have those two sections left to finish, then we can get to work on the cows,” Nick said.

“We can each boss a section then, which one you want?” Heath asked.

“I think McCall can boss the North 40 easy, and you and I can get the south fence,” Nick said as nonchalantly as he could.

“I don’t need to be babysat Nick,” Heath sighed.

“Yeah,” Nick almost whined, “But still, Hank’s leg was still given him trouble, so I thought I’d take his place.” Jarrod was obviously trying not to laugh, and Heath was blushing red. She decided to give Nick a free pass this once.

“Forgot about Hank’s leg, you’re right, it’ll be better if you and I are on the south fence,” Heath said with a smile. Nick grunted and tried not to look too proud of himself. Victoria instantly began a conversation with Audra about the shops that she’d visit. Jarrod looked slightly pale after his baby sister listed the sheer number of shops that she’d heard of.

“Maybe we’d better just cut down a little honey, you’ll only be with me a week,” he stammered. He hadn’t forgotten the little instructions about keeping Audra within sight. Audra was restrained with little protest and breakfast came to a halt. Ciego drove Audra and Jarrod to the train while Nick and Heath began their work. While on the south fence, she seemed slow. Her stomach ached, and Heath wondered what in tarnation was wrong with her. She couldn’t be sick, it couldn’t happen. She and Nick finally broke for lunch and she nibbled on her sandwich.

“Somethin’ the matter?” Nick asked.

“No, just ain’t too hungry,” Heath replied as calmly as she could. Her forehead was slicked with sweat and she was starting to shiver. She’d felt sore over the last week, but it hadn’t been this bad.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Nick asked.

“Sure am,” she responded.

“Alright, maybe you’re just gettin’ slow in your old age,” Nick snickered. Heath scoffed and punched him in the arm.

“And maybe you’re gettin’ blind, I’m doin’ just as much work as you!” Heath proclaimed, even though she knew that it was untrue. When they were done with the fence, they and the rest of the hands went down to the pond for a swim. Heath decided it was a good time to check up on Charger.

“Come on brother, swim with us, it’s been a scorcher!” Nick yelled.

“Nah, I think I’ll just check Charger over and head on home,” Heath responded. She rode off amidst shouts from Nick and the hands. When Nick finally pulled himself out of the water and rode up to the house, Mother was in the big room.

“Where’s Heath?” he asked.

“In the bath,” she replied.

“Oh, so the pond wasn’t good enough for him,” Nick chuckled.

“At least he appreciates coming clean to the dinner table,” Victoria said with a laugh. Nick shook his head and poured himself a brandy. Heath joined them and dinner was called shortly thereafter. Victoria noticed that Heath barely picked at the food.

“Are you alright son?” she asked.

“Yes mother, just not that hungry,” Heath replied.

“Weren’t too hungry for lunch neither,” Nick mumbled. Heath shot him a stern look and Nick quieted. Victoria raised an eyebrow and feigned ignorance, though she resolved to check on her son after he went to bed. Heath and Nick played a short game of billiards and then Heath went to bed, though Nick fairly begged her son for another game. Heath responded that he was tired and had a long day tomorrow. He went up the stairs and Nick looked worriedly at his mother.

“How badly do you think he’s feeling?” Victoria asked.

“He was slow and hurting all day today, and he couldn’t really eat much of anything. I say that we make him stay in bed tomorrow and send for the doctor,” Nick stated.

“I agree,” Victoria sighed. Heath had never been sick before, but given his personality, Victoria didn’t think he would be a good patient. She finished mending one of Nick’s shirts and returned to bed. As the next morning dawned, she was resolved to make her youngest son see the doctor, come hell or high water. What she didn’t count on was Heath listening to the conversation to the night before.

Heath was up and moving about before the sun rose. She got dressed as quickly as her aching body would allow and debated on breakfast. Her stomach was a roiling pit, so she decided against it. She threw down a glass of water, which felt like heaven, and ran out the door. She groomed Charger that morning and headed for the south pasture. When Nick came to her just after breakfast, he handed her a biscuit with bacon and an egg thrust in between the top and the bottom.

“Ya missed breakfast,” he commented as he laid a board on the fence.

“Wasn’t hungry,” Heath responded.

“You haven’t been hungry for a week, now eat your damn biscuit,” Nick growled. Heath ate a bite or two and quietly gave it to the young hand who was working with them. He glanced at her with pleading eyes, but she paid him no mind.

“Hey!” Nick barked, but the hand was already eating the biscuit with fear in his eyes.

“I was hungry!” he protested.

“Fine!” Nick huffed. He and Heath aggressively built a fence for the rest of the afternoon. The sun rose to its peak, and Heath began to get dizzy. “Are you alright?” Nick asked.

“Fine,” Heath said quietly. Nick rolled his eyes and went back to the fence. Then, the world started spinning. She felt her knees give.

Nick was just about to put another board on when he heard the hand give a yell. Heath was on his knees and pitching forward. “Heath!” Nick yelled as his heart leapt into his throat. He caught his brother and instantly hugged him to his chest. Heath’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. He tried to rouse his brother, but it was no use. “Quick, help me get him on Coco and then ride for the doctor!” Nick thundered. The hand instantly helped him lift Heath (who was much too light) onto Coco and made sure that Nick was able to support his brother. Once that was done, he was off like a bat out of hell. Nick rode as fast as could towards the house. Two hours later, he was at the front yard. Ciego jogged out and instantly took Coco from him. He lifted Heath into his arms and banged open the door.

“Nick!” Victoria protested, “What on earth are you…Heath! Get him upstairs Nicholas, quickly! Silas, get me some wet towels!” Silas ran off to do her bidding while Victoria went upstairs to get the medicine box. Nick got Heath to his room and instantly turned down the covers. His brother was burning up, and he could have sworn that he was cold before. He shook his head. He needed to get Heath out of these damp clothes. He unbuckled Heath’s belt and pulled off his pants. He then went to his shirt and pulled that off as well. When that happened, his eyes got as big as saucers. He made a distinct choking sound and fell with a thud onto the floor. He scrambled out of the room and to Mother.

“Mother!” he cried.

“What is it Nick?!” she demanded worriedly.

“You better go check on Heath,” he said cautiously. Victoria gave him a raised eyebrow, but rushed to do as he said. Victoria didn’t come out of the room, even after the doctor came up to Heath. Nick sat in a chair by the fire and stared into it. A sister, he had a sister. A sister who was tough as nails and stubborn as a mule, as it showed. And to think, he’d undressed in front of her! And he’d tried to make her undress in front of him! Oh, Jarrod was either going to kill him or laugh! And the hands, the hands were looking at Heath much too often! He was interrupted in his reverie when Victoria sat down on the settee heavily. “Mother?” Nick asked.

“The doctor will fill us in after he’s done with Heath, or whatever her name is,” Mother sighed.

“Why didn’t she tell us?!” Nick demanded.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure that she had her reasons. The best that we can do now is ask her after she wakes up,” Mother sighed. Nick grunted and got Mother a sherry. “I can’t believe it, why couldn’t she tell us? Have we really been that bad as to warrant such precautions?” Mother asked.

“Remember Mother, she came to us as a man. She was probably taking precautions at first and just didn’t know how to dig her way out,” Nick replied. Victoria looked thoughtful at that. The doctor finally came slowly downstairs.

“Did you say that Heath went to Sonora last week?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Nick said.

“They just had an outbreak of anthrax there,” the doctor sighed.

“You’re not saying…” Victoria gasped.

“You’ll need to give her quinine and brandy. She’s severely underweight, so pump as many liquids into her as you can,” he sighed, “Otherwise, there’s nothing I can do. It’s all up to Heath now; she has to decide to live.”

“We’ll take care of her doctor,” Nick said.

“I’m sure you will, let me know if there’s any change. Don’t worry, the disease isn’t contagious, and it hasn’t been spread to this part of the country,” the doctor assured them. Victoria sighed in relief and Nick gave her a smile. All they’d have to do now is get Heath better. That would be enough of a chore in itself. She pulled a chair up beside her son’s, no her daughter’s, beside. She debated on what was to be done. Jarrod would take everything in stride; he’d hide his hurt deep in his heart. Nick would rant and rave, and then accept her with open arms. Nick would most likely be her biggest protector. Audra would be ecstatic to have a new sister, though she didn’t think they had many of the same interests. Now she knew why Heath had sometimes looked at Audra with such longing. How fair was it for one daughter to be so careless and free while the other was forced to masquerade as a man in her own home! How jealous and hurt she would have been! Victoria shook her head; these thoughts would neither herself nor Heath any good whatsoever.

Heath was moving forward while staying in the same place. While it seemed like it shouldn’t be happening that way, it was. She saw Mother putting a wonderfully cool cloth on her head. She saw Nick trying to coax her to drink. She saw Jarrod reading to her from one of his case files. Audra was beside her bed with sewing. She was racing through time, but she couldn’t move. Finally, she woke up. Jarrod was beside her bed, snoring. She groaned as she shifted in the bed. Jarrod sat up with a start and looked at her with big eyes.

“Don’t move honey,” Jarrod said soothingly, “You’ve had a hard week.”

“A week, and who are you callin’ honey?!” Heath croaked. Jarrod shook his head and poured her a glass of water. The liquid felt wonderful, though her brother was an ass and took the cup away much too soon.

“Audra seems impartial to honey,” Jarrod commented.

“I’m not Audra,” Heath replied.

“No young lady, you’re not,” Jarrod sighed. So that was it, they knew. Heath instantly felt for her trusty wrappings, and found them lacking. “Poor brother Nick, he was the one who ripped your shirt off to cool you down,” Jarrod explained.

“Must’ve scared him a good piece,” Heath mused.

“Mother said the only other time he looked like that was when Father had the unique job of explaining where Audra came from,” Jarrod said with a smile. Just then, his face turned serious. “You had the anthrax Heath, or whatever your name is. Why did you have to wait until you almost died until you told us?” Jarrod asked.

“I guess I owe you an explanation. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t, not after you knew me as Heath. My real name is Heather Morgan Barkley, but I’ve been Heath so long that I guess that’ll do,” she sighed.

“Why did you lie to us?” Jarrod asked.

“When I was six, my mother was out of food and out of money. They needed a boy for the livery, so I was the natural choice for the job. My mother cut my hair and told me that I was to pretend I was a boy and go by another name. After that, I took a job in the mines. When I was out of work, I cut my hair shorter, bound my breasts tighter, and joined the army. It was the same when I started working ranches,” Heath sighed.

“I understand that, but why lie to us?” Jarrod asked.

“A bastard is hard enough to except, let alone one who can’t pull its weight on the ranch,” Heath sighed.

“Well now, I would seem that you work pretty hard to me,” a voice barked. Both turned to see Nick in the doorway.

“We would’ve accepted you Heath, we would’ve kept you with us,” Jarrod stated.

“Would you have?” Heath whispered.

“Of course!” Nick echoed.

“I think I realized that, after a while, but I couldn’t tell you then. I wanted to tell you, but it just wouldn’t come,” Heath sighed. Jarrod looked at her with something akin to understanding and clasped her shoulder.

“I understand,” Jarrod said quietly, “Though I must say, Audra will probably need to take you shopping when realizes you’re up.”

“Yeah, can’t have you wanderin’ around in pants all the time,” Nick grunted. Heath scoffed, there was no way that she would wear the fancy get-ups that Audra did.

“Come on Nick, let’s leave sister Heath to her thoughts,” Jarrod said quietly, “You rest.” Heat soon found herself pulled back into slumber. When she woke next, it was to Victoria at her bedside. Once she’d felt her forehead, she smiled at her.

“It will be nice to have another lady around the house,” Victoria sighed.

“Mother, I think you and I both know that I ain’t no lady,” Heath sighed.

“Heather…” Victoria contradicted.

“No Mother, Heather is dead, has been for years. I guess I’ll be Heath, I’ve been Heath for a while now, and it suits me,” she stated.

“That it does. And what, Heath, are you going to do?” Victoria questioned.

“You still want me here?” Heath asked.

“Of course! I am not happy that you lied to us, but I can understand. You are my daughter, and you have a place here, for always. Though, you might have trouble talking Audra out of some shopping sprees,” Victoria chuckled.

“Oh no, my bein’ a lady changes some things, but it don’t change much! I’ll still be working the range with Nick, and I won’t need fancy dresses!” Heath protested.

“I thought you would say that,” Mother sighed, “And I think that dresses wouldn’t serve you well. If you want to work on the range, you can work on the range. I thought you would want to stay there, so we already talked about it. Nick was very against the idea, but I told him that you would be with him most of the time, so big brother could valiantly defend his poor, defenseless sister’s honor.” At that, Heath laughed so hard that her stomach hurt. Her mother sent her to bed after that, and Audra came up to see her the next day. She had some work with the orphanage and hadn’t spent as much time with Heath as she’d liked. She instantly burst in through the door and happily chattered on about all the dresses that they would get together.

“Now sister, I ain’t gettin’ any fancy dresses!” Heath protested as soon as she could get a word in.

“But you have to!” Audra scolded.

“I don’t, and I won’t,” Heath said stoutly.

“Mother!” Audra wailed. Victoria came walking into the room with a smile.

“Now Audra, I told you how this conversation would go,” Mother admonished.

“But Heath has to have some dresses!” Audra protested.

“I do agree, Heath does need some dresses for fancy occasions, but only three or four. After all, I won’t have my daughter walking around in a suit and tie,” Victoria said. Audra gave Heath a triumphant smirk.

“As long as it’s three or four,” Heath said slowly. For the rest of the afternoon, the three women talked over Heath’s new wardrobe that would have to be bought. Heath slowly recovered from her illness, and she was finally allowed downstairs on Christmas morning, though she’d taken ill in November. She walked down slowly on Nick’s arm, and the cowboy had so loose a grip it seemed as if he was grasping glass. She was effectively settled on the settee with numerous pillows and blankets.

“Come on now, if you all give me anything else you won’t be able to find me!” Heath complained. Nick scoffed at her and promptly started passing out the stockings. When everyone had their stocking, they all reefed through them. Heath was glad to find some rawhide and a few books. There was also a new knife and some candy. She smiled, for she knew that each gift would have been picked with care and love. Jarrod passed out presents randomly, and Heath soon received Audra’s gift to her. She ripped off the wrapping and found a paper box tied with ribbon. She untied the ribbon, wanting to save it for her hair later, and open the box. She moved aside the tissue paper and found the most beautiful thing in the world. The shawl was of a light material, and it was of a baby blue. It shimmered in the firelight, its plain beauty astounded Heath.

“I thought that a beautiful girl deserved a beautiful shawl,” Audra said simply. Heath hugged her tightly with tears in her eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Anything for my big sister,” she replied. Next, she received Jarrod’s. When she opened the box, she was greeted with the sight of a beautiful English Colt. It was the same brand that Nick had gloated about on that fateful day at the bridge.

“She gonna go around coring apples in hurricanes?” Nick scoffed.

“Naw, but I might go around beating you big brother,” Heath responded with a smirk.

“Now that is a sight that I want to see!” Nick roared. Victoria hushed them both and Jarrod continued with the passing out of presents. When Heath got to Victoria’s, she was nervous. Her stepmother, somehow sensing this, urged her on.

“Go on, I promise it won’t bite!” she teased. Heath slowly and reverently opened the box. Inside was a picture that she’d thought she’d buried deep in her saddlebags. For her eighteenth birthday, she’d come for home for the occasion. Mama had gone to the trouble of renting a camera from a store in the nearest big town and had given her Gal. Heath had even dressed up for the occasion, the first time she’d worn a dress since her childhood. They’d asked a drifter to take the picture for them. Heath was on Gal, a big smile on her face and looking beautiful in her dress. Mama was next to Gal’s nose while Hannah and Rachel were on the left and right. Heath had been devastated when they’d had to put Gal down because of a broken leg that summer. That was the first time that Nick had called her brother, when he’d asked her if she’d been alright. “I found it in your saddlebags while I was in your sickroom,” Victoria said quietly, “I thought it deserved a frame.” The frame was gold with a horse running round it. There were fields in the background. Heath didn’t even want to think about how much money her Mother, or all of her family for that fact, had spent on her.

“This is too much,” she whispered, “This is all too much.”

“There isn’t anything too much for my daughter,” Victoria said quietly.

“I love you Mother,” Heath whispered. She found herself surrounded by her family, all of them around her and hugging.

“Well, if we’re done cryin’, I think little sister would like my Christmas present,” Nick said hoarsely. He quickly handed Heath a box and looked down, as if he was afraid that she would shun it. She quickly opened the box, wondering if he’d gotten her a new holster for the Colt. She was completely surprised by the thing that she did get. She held the pink dress up to the light and watched as it seemed to shimmer. It was the most beautiful dress she’d ever seen. The bodice was low-cut, but nothing that would cause a scandal. The sleeves swooped all the way down to her wrists, where they blossomed out. The dress would be tight around the chest, but the skirt was large (though not nearly as large as some of the dresses Audra had). She’d be able to swish around the dance floor with the best of them. The dress was fairly simple in design, there weren’t any beads or lace, but it was beautiful.

“Oh Nick,” she sighed.

“Well, I know Mother and Audra wanted ya to have some fancy things, but I just know that they’d have ya lookin’ like all gussied up, which ya hate,” Nick huffed. There was a weight on his chest, and he looked down to find himself with an armful of sister.

“You know me well, big brother. Thank you,” she whispered.

“Aw hey now, don’t go sheddin’ more tears! And what are you doin’ off that couch, did I say you could get down? This is a workin’ ranch, and I’ll be damned if you set yourself back just so I do all the work!” Nick barked. Audra giggled and Jarrod gave the two a knowing smile.

“I bet I can still do as many chores as you,” Heath remarked. And so the teasing went on, and would continue for days to come. Heath continued her work on the range with her elder brother. Though she still bound her breasts (for practical reasons), she was no longer a man. She’d found freedom in her family. She could walk into the saloon with her brothers; Sam would quietly pour a drink and look the other way. She could talk dresses or lace with Audra, who was glad for the company. At night, Jarrod would lend her his books, for the young lady never ceased in her quest for knowledge. And Victoria? Victoria lent her the use of her ears. Many a late night did they spend in front of the fire, talking of mines, of wars, of prisons, and of hateful words uttered by hateful people. Heath was relieved of a burden, and Victoria garnered a new respect for the young woman who’d come crashing into their lives. When Matt Bentell showed up at their front door, Victoria saw him out with a rifle, Nick behind her. Nick and Heath grew as close as two siblings could, and her brother held all the respect for her before he’d learned of her sex. If he was a little bit sterner with the ranch hands around her, or if he was a little bit more protective, well, it was what big brothers are for.

End


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